Expectations

I HATE MATH! I have a test tomorrow and I failed the "take-home" test. What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't ask my mom for help and I can't not ask her. It is a no win situation. I am supposed to get strait A's. I want to understand but I have tried and I don't get it. By getting C's in math I am starting to fail my other classes. I'm am just so pissed off. Can't I just skip math I'm not going to need it. If I do I'll just hire someone to do it for me. My dad failed school and eventually dropped out and he's a millionaire, where as my mom got strait A's and skipped two grades and made practically nothing when she was working. What is the point of life? You're born, you live, you die. Why? I wish I was perfect. I will never be good enough for my mom. I will never live up to her expectations. That is all I've ever wanted.

Nightmare Before Birthday

OMG! I had like the worst dream last night. I'm staying with my dad and his apartement is really creepy because you can here trains and the machines from the factory all night long. (My dad's apartment is inside one of his buildings (he manufactures industrial fabrics)) So anyway, I told my parents that I didn't want anything for my birthday because I have enough already. ( I do. I have always had everything I've ever wanted. Why should I get more when their are people out their that have nothing?) Then, last night, I dreamt that it was my birthday and I had forgotten and so had everyone else. I just sat in my room all day. Not a single person spoke to me. It was awful. The sad thing is, that's whats going to happen. My dad won't be there. I'm not having a cake. I don't get any presents. The only people that will even speak to me that day will be my mom and my brothers. (All my friends will be out of town.) It sucks to have a birthday in the summer. Heck, it sucks to have a birthday at all.

Aren't birthday supposed to be special? I dread holidays. It is just another oppurtunity for dissapointment. That's all you ever get when you shoot for the moon, dissapointment, emptiness. I feel as though I am consumed with emptiness.

Sorry, I'm in such a bad mood, I hate staying with my dad, oh, and his realatives are here. I wish I could just cut my father from my life. I wouldn't miss him. I would miss having a father, and the things fathers are supposed to be a do, but not him. So it wouldn't really change anything. I mean, the idiot just figured out that a hate his guts and that I'm only nice to him because he'll buy me anything I want. So I'm off to spend a misurable day with the ----'s clan. Hope your summer is going better than mine! TTYS

~K

Oui With the Poodles Already

Hey! I know I haven't written in a while. I just switch my blog over to myspace from AOL.
So, schooling update. I applied, was accepted, and am attending ND. I am really concerned that it isn't going to be academically challenging enough. I finished the summer reading in two hours. I'm re-taking Algebra and I've learned most of the course material all ready.
You know something that people don't notice. Signs. Not like the ones on the road, the ones you find in people. Like the sign that someone is suicidal. No one would have ever noticed that I have often considered suicide. Or the signs that some one is getting angry. A lot of times people are to busy to notice the hints given out by the people around them. I encourage you to take note of the signs around you.
I leave you with. "Oui with the poodles already." Happy 4th of July! God Bless America!

Hollywood: The Best Way to Crush Your Dreams!

I am seriously pissed off. My dad produced a movie and as part of it we were supposed to get to go to the last couple days of shooting. So far, they've "rescheduled" twice. So now, I have to choose between visiting my best friend and taking a screen test. (They want me to "audition" to be in their movies.) Damn Hollywood. They think their so great because they have money. I have money to you know! (Or at least my parents do.) I tell you, if they reschedule one more time, I'm gonna...I'm gonna.....give them really big boo-boo's.
...And I mean that in the possible scariest way.

Substitute People

I'm so sick of being a "substitute person" as Kirstin Dunst puts it in Elizabethtown. I'm ignored, walked all over, and basically treated worse than dirt. Maybe it's my fault, but after almost 14 years, I'm really sick of it.
Do you ever wish you could set your school on fire? I want to watch this place burn with all the people in it. I sure as hell hope I get into Catalina for all this time I've spent busting my but.

I just don't get it. The whole eight grade girl thing. The giggly-ness, the makeup, the slutty (or extremly boyish) outfits. It's just not me. I've tired my whole life to fit in and I'm starting to discover just how different I am (even at York). I'm pissed off because when I was failing people treated me stupid because I acted like it, so they thought I was. (Boy that was fun the first week when I started get the highset scores on the tests. They were so shocked! LOL!) And now that I've shown how smart and serious I really am, they treat me even worse. I don't get how jealousy makes people say false things, in hope that they will become true. They (the other six girls) keep saying how ugly and stupid and I am. Let's face I'm beat all of them in wit, personality, and looks. Hell, if you put all six of them together I'd still beat 'em. Now, if it was just them saying cruel and hurtful things then screw it, but my mom keeps going on about how fat I am. And unless I start snorting cocane or stop eating, I'm not getting any thinner. I have abosolutely no support, so I just need to vent sometimes. As fun as it is to yell at people, it's not nice (unfortunately). Well, it's back to the living hell that is the eighth grade. (Damn, I have P.E. next!) I tell ya, if I survive this year, the eighth grade is going to drive me to turn goth and worship satan, or drill my brains out, which ever is more conveniant at the time. I better go or I'll be late. If I don't write soon, assume the worst. ;-)

Hi

Hey. I know I haven't written in a while. I had another world famous Katherine roller-coaster. My grades were okay, then they sucked, I felt horrible and almost committed suicide. But now I'm doing better than ever! I'm really amazed at my progress this year. York has been a great lesson for me on how not to act. I'm grateful that I was given this experience, but at this point I can't wait for it to be over so I can be rid of some of these people forever! I'm sort over the whole blog thing now that the suicidal phase has passed but I think I'll hang on to it a while long. I better get going because I'm going to do math and be intellectual. Bye.