Trouble is, there's no such thing as perfection...

The fact of the matter is, when I arrived at Northeastern I invented a new person.

It wasn't so much that there was a problem with the old one,

or even so much that I meant to,

it just happened.

I am a different person now than I was before.

She has a fabulous life.

She is fun and exciting.

She lives out my inner adventurous desires.

The only problem is, she doesn't know how to do things like

study

go to class

do well in school.

I was that person once.

In my distant past I tried.

I applied myself.

I prided myself on my grades,

my ciriculum,

my GPA.

At being "perfect."

But when I was that person, I hated myself.

My life WAS my work.

There was no fun,

no enjoyment.

The peak of my suicidal days.

I'm scared to be her again.

Scared that dark state of mind will creep back into my conscious.

But I need her work ethic,

her passion,

her potential.

I don't want to lose who I am now, but I need to be more.

So the trick is, how do I maintain both?

How do you manage to be only part of a person?

Gone are the Days

I'm not looking for a relationship.

Nothing official, or demanding.

Nothing with strings.

It doesn't have to be formal.

No one has to buy anyone dinner.

What I want is so much simpler than that.

I want a boy. Preferably handsome.

I want someone to kidnap at five in the morning to watch the sunrise.

It's a friendship, but it's more.

It's not about "benefits", it's about adventure.

Nights spent stealing bottles of liquor,

wandering home under starry skies

listening to some soft rock song you both like.

It's the kind of thing you find in the "young adult" section at Borders.

Something innocent.

The kind of thing you find at 15.

Something more fullfilling than sex, or drugs, or anything else ever could be.

Restorative.

Inspiring.

I want a romance.

The Ouch Factor

I'm suppose to break up with you, and then you're suppose to spend the rest of your life pinning for me.

Or at least more than two months.

I gave you 7 months of my life and my virginity.

We weren't even officialy broken up yet.

You couldn't even have the decency to call me and say "hey by the way I got a new girlfriend...you know, so you don't have to find out from the internet or some shit like that."

I guess it just makes me realize how glad I am to be past stupid little boys.

Cause hey, guess what, I'm seeing someone too.

But I was at least going to have the decency to talk to you about it before I officialized anything.

That's what you're suppose to do in these circumstances.

Dumbass.

Mostly I think I'm just hurt.

You let me find out on facebook, just like any other person.

I guess I didn't really mean that much to you.

Which is sad, because you once meant everything to me. <\3