Roses

Rosie died the other day. I just found out this morning. I did not know her too well, but she was a friend. I went to school with her last year. She had had six heart surgeries and was on her seventh when an artery failed. I feel so bad. She was an inspiration to all who new her and always had something nice to say. Her best friend must be miserable. I wish there was something I could have done. I feel guilty for not being more upset.

It is so sad to think someone my age has passed away. She never did anything wrong. What made her deserve this? She will never get to do many things that I, who am unworthy, will. I hope to learn something from the experience of her death and become a better person who enjoys and appreciates life more.

It is so odd to think someone has died. It is really hard for me to comprehend. Death, life no more. We are only on this earth for a short time so I suggest and hope that all of you will learn from this or a similar experience and be better people. I know I will.

In loving memory of Catherine R. Pantania. A true inspiraton. My she rest in peace and finally gain the wings she deserves. May the Lord take her into his company for the brave warrior she was. You will be missed.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I think love is stupid (at least when your in the eighth grade). I think I'm just jealous. Every girl in my grade is asked to dance at school dances except me. I don't get it. I'm am the prettiest, most boy-crazy girl in my grade. Why doesn't anyone like me? I certainly like them. For right now I'm okay with flirting (since I'm not even allowed to do that). I just wish I had the option of dating. I like choices. I like options. I wouldn't do anything different than what I'm allowed to now(at least most of the time, hehe). I just like the power that comes with having control over your life. That power is what I hope to gain by the time I'm 15. If only I had hypnotic powers. One final word (or words) Will and Nicole make me sick and I dislike them both. I'm better than mean words, but it feels so good to get it out.

The Golden Years

This is the oddest, yet most addictive song I've ever heard. (My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas that is).
I felt used today, but all that has left me.
I'm sorry I haven't written lately, I got a MySpace.
I realized what has been making me act so immature this year. Everyone has to go through stages, right? The experiences or stages you go through help shape who you are. I never went through those stages. I realized when I was 7 it was time to grow up. I never got to be a kid. I have always been so busy taking care of others and picking up the slack that I never had time for friends. I have always wanted friends. I'm immature because I'm experiencing everything for the first time. I'm trying to grow. I have put in almost 7 years of hard work for others while wasting the best years of my life. Isn't it time for me to get something for myself? I wish I could, but my mom seems to be making it impossible. She just keeps piling on more chores, lecturing me, and I'm trying to get strait A's. It is just to much. I have read my organization books to make my life easier and none of them can help me organize my time with all things I have to do and rules I have to follow. I wish I could just take a break. I would be happy if I could have a "free" life for just two weeks. My mom sometimes seems to be heartless. And I don't think if feel this way just because of "hormones" as my mom seems to think. She says I have become evil since I turned 12 1/2. Everyone I know agrees with me. (adults included) They all say she's too strict. I only have one childhood and I feel like its gone and I wasn't allowed to experience it. My one desire is for me to get the first 13 years of my life back so I could have some fun. Now I have back problems, knee problems, scoliosis, and rules holding me back; ahh, the golden years.

Stupid

Hey, Bloggers! Sorry I haven't written in a while, things have been hectic. I am so tired. I feel a little sick. Okay, my cat sounds like a goose when she snores. Yes, she snores. I don't know what to write. I'm bored. I have a whole week left of break and I already did all my homework and organized my room. This must be soooooo entertaining to read. Television has gone down the tube. Ha ha! Television, tube, haha! I think I should lay down before pass out. Have a good week and take it easy! Later!

Not-So Super Heroes

Today is random super hero day and dressed up as "Groovy Girl".
It's hot, I am bored out of my mind, there are loud airplanes that keep flying over, I've been trapped in this library for an hour, and some boy has convinced everyone that I am a lesbian. Yeah... how was your day?
On the bright side, Willo might be coming into town tomorrow and I get to watch tv when I get home. God I'm bored. Maybe I'll go back to the book loft. I think I'll go hang with the rest of the eighth grade girls. Toodles!

Famous Last Words

Today has all gone down hill. I woke up tired and didn't get my math homework done. (Yesterday my mom said she wants to move me back to public school. She was really big on the guilt trip thing because she wants her money so she can divorce my dad and get rid of her little mistakes.) I guarantee you that I could have received an A+ on the math test we had today but I didn't finish in time and there is no time for me to finish, boy is my mom going to be mad. (There are two new kids at ours school from New Orleans.) Then in P.E. not only was I late, but we had to play wall-ball and I got hit in the head. Next was history which went okay I guess, except for the fact that I was an awful character in the story we read and he assigned a lot of homework. At lunch I was really lonely, but someone loaned me money for a brownie and I felt better. Then we had English were we discussed To Kill A Mockingbird, and guess what? More Homework. Then was Music, there was no homework but I had to sit next to Xander the whole time which made things even worse. (I spent the class drawing pictures of his head blowing up.) In Science we had to watch a dull movie and do a dull map assignment. Now I'm in Study Hall. I guess the day wasn't that bad, it just wasn't anything special.I have to go home soon. (Ugh, another weekend of no tv.) At least I get to go play with adorable kitten Stanley, sweet cat Bear, and scary dog Elenor. (I'm pet-sitting) At least thing can't get much more dull than this. I know, I know. Famous last words.

Oww! It smells like bread...

Today is an odd day. My head hurts, and everywhere I go I smell fresh bread. The weekend went well. Patrick got lots of presents for his birthday, he is becoming quite a brat. Chad stole one-hundred dollars and now he is on extreme punishment. That sure put things in perspective for my parents. Suddenly a D-- doesn't seem so bad. I got a disturbing phone call yesterday, but I won't go in to details. I am really stressed out. Last night it took me two hours to fall asleep and I am now getting really bad headaches. I think my system is still thrown off from not eating breakfast this weekend, I woke up so late I figured I would just wait for lunch. (Not something I would recommend trying.) The retreat went well. I had fun. We stayed up sooo late talking I think w pretty much know every detail of each others lives. The love triangle is now a line. I have been booted out and Nicole and Will are now "dating". (He asked her out the day after I told him I liked him; great for my self-esteem). I personally think that no one should "date" until they can really go out together. I can't date until I'm 16, that's my excuse. I have a really bad headache and I have to go do math, oh boy! I hope everyone has a good day and I hope to talk to you tomorrow!

Today

I am ridiculously stressed out. According to a stress test I am due to throw myself of a building any minute here. Hmm, If I could only find one tall enough. LOL
I am really tired and this day just doesn't end. My neighbor was in the emergency room last night, I hope he is okay. I have a ridiculous amount of homework, but I don't want to do any of it. I hope my mom goes on a walk so I can watch tv while I work. I wish I had some chocolate. I said the equivalent to a whole paragraph today to the guy whom "skittles" is about (more on that later).
The love triangle has not progressed and some of these York dorks are just a bit to odd for my taste. They're getting on my nervs. (Although they write very funny speeches and are good at debates)
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored. I wish I could just clone myself and make the other one do my homework while I went to sleep. This chair is really comfy. I am sorry about my writing, I'm in a slump lately. Maybe it's writer's block, or maybe it's the anti-depressants (jk).
Okay, now I'm just going to be flat I out random, after all this is my blog. I miss my grand parents. I want chicken. Ninja's Rule. Will in the World, hun. clip clop. Herzlich Wilkommen! I am really bored.
My German teacher is standing behind me now. I wonder what she is saying.
It is now 3:24:10. Six minutes till school is out. I can't wait. I want to go home. I have to do math tonight and I have to do even more tomorrow. AHHHHH! It's like my worst nightmare. (Which by the way involves Aaron and Math) Today is Wilsons 13th B-day, and we announced it in front of the whole school. Finally I leave you with: "The only risk in taking an adventure is not taking an adventure at all!"

Skittles

All I have to say is his name is Matt, he's in the ninth grade and he is the reason I get up in the morning.

Bored

I haven't written in a couple days so I thought I'd take a minute to do so. Today is September 13. I am really bored, and really tired. I can't think of anything of importance to write, at least not in present company. Last night I finished all my homework. (I was so amazed!)
It is ridiculous the things that boys think are cool. (I thought I was sick minded)
Thursday is the retreat but I'll write more about that afterword. I think I just seriously offended a guy I have crush on. I hope not. He likes a girl who likes him back, but neither of them are willing to admit it. It is making ,me so mad and so stressed out. I wish I could figure out why. I just want to go up to him and tell him I like him but I don't know how to word it. I'll try again. Why does everything have to be complicated? I am bored with this world. I am bored with this life, I want a new one. I wish I could pull a Freaky Friday, but not with my mom.

Nothing More, Nothing Less

Today has been a good day. Of course it was Friday, but it seemed to drag on forever. At least the school week is almost over. 14 minutes on the dot. When I get home I know I am going to get a lecture from my dad. I have never had a lecture from my dad. I have been yelled at by my dad or I have been asked something by my dad; nothing more and nothing less. I wonder what it will be like? If its how I think it will be it will be it will be the first genuine conversation I've had in a long time. Since my dad is the upitomy (hope I spelled that right, I don't really want to ask the butt heads behind me) of irresponsibility and him talking about good grades is like a def man talking about music, than I doubt it will be. I love him, I guess. He's not around much and I like it that way. He's here on weekends which makes everyone but my five-year-old brother happy. My parents are still married (they wouldn't want to cause us psychological dammage by getting divorced they say), but the don't get along. My dad is just sort of a jerk. He didn't do well in school in anything but the social aspect and he is just plain mean to us (his family). As for the rest of his family, his parents are dead and the rest are just plain loopy. Anyway, I'm looking forward to this. A lecture from my dad. I sure as hell didn't see that coming. So I think I'll have some fun with this.

Silence

My mom found out my math grade to day. (D--) She didn't get nearly as mad as I thought she would. She didn't understand why I didn't come to her when I first started having problems. What was I supposed to say? Because hse would have gotten mad and the last time I asked her for math help things ended badly (let's just leave it at that).
Personally I don't care. I'm trying to de-stress by not letting things get to me. Yes, I care about getting good grades, but not half as much as my mom. This whole need-to-be perfect thing. I give up. An F, who cares, I don't. I need to get out of this slump. Stress is what I blame. It's controlling my life, giving me zits, and making me extremely depressed. I dreaded climbing into the car today on the way home, but I did it. It wasn't so bad. I learned not to look someone in the eyes when there lecturing you. Just look out the window. The ride was quiet. Too quiet. Silence like I have never heard. I take this as a bad sign.

What's Wrong With Me?

School started out being fabulous. I loved it. Another new beginning. But now it sucks. I am the dumbest girl here, and once again no one likes me. I just want to know whats wrong with me. No one has every liked me. I have never had friends or a guy look my way. I look in the mirror and ask myself over and over again, whats wrong with me? I am supposed to be confident and believe in myself. Been there, tried that. Nothing has ever worked. I am trying so hard to be perfect and it is all falling apart. I'm crashing. I need help, but when I cry out no one hears. Death seems so easy, so simple, so tempting. But I must keep trying. I have to go on. I want a way to fix this mess I call life. I need an undo button. What's wrong with me?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

A girl addressed me recently and said she didn't like me because I'm to happy. I've been thinking about it since and I figured out why I am so happy. I'm not. I am a tortured and lonely soul. I spend all my time that I am out of school in my house, usually baby-sitting, because my mom is to paranoid to let me leave. I think everyday how I would gladly give up wealth for a happy family. I wish for once I could see my mom smile. Oh how I long to hear the words, "I love you." Seeing how no one loves me that will never happen. I have to keep a smile on though, for my brothers sake. Plus I don't want anyone to feel the pain I have felt. I just want to make everyone happy.