Thinking...

I just had a thought (shocking, I know, haha). So I frequently seem to find myself in these rather fucked up long distance relationships. My best friends usually live far away and I always seem to fall hardest for boys who are geographically unavailable. I don't know so much about the friends, but as for the guys, I wonder it if it has anything to do with my dad.

It's apparent that it has held to true to some extent, the cycle predicted to me since an early age that I would end up with a man like my father in attempts to repeat and correct the cycle that I could not as a child that is. I tend to fall for stoners; ngl, it just seems to happen despite my best attempts and childhood promises to myself that I never would I always seem to find them appealing somehow (whether I know at the time that they smoke or not). But then there's this whole geography thing. I mean, I only lived with my dad for what, 6 or 7 years before we moved and he only visited on weekends? Is that what this is about? Is that what I expect of a male relationship? Because in basic logic, that sounds incredibly stupid, I mean, come on now, I like distant stoners?! What a lovely description that is; I wonder if e-harmony has that category, eh? haha

There is one other very logical part to this: shear comfortability. To those of you who don't know me outside of school, I am terribly boy shy. I tend to babble, or be quiet, or just generally make an idiot out of myself; when it comes to guys I have zero confidence. I'm usually just preparing myself for their ridicule because somehow, that's just what I expect; anything else just confuses me. So to be in a relationship with someone far away is perfect for this. Technological barriers limit a sense of emotional connection and help me guard my heart. Not to mention the obvious convience of technology providing an excuse for not actually spending time with the person where I would a) be presented with expectations I would not know how to fill and b) probably blow it as result.

I don't know. The whole thing confuses me. It was just a thought.