"...Wait for a boy who calls you beautiful, instead of hot. Wait for a boy who calls you back when you hang up on him. Wait for a boy who will lay under the stars with you or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for a boy who kisses your forehead. The boy who wants to show you off to his friends even when you are wearing sweats. Wait for a boy who will pick you up off your tippy toes for a kiss and the one who holds you so tight it feels like he will never let go. Wait for a boy who reminds you of how much he cares & how lucky he is to have you. Wait for a boy who plays with your hair while you’re asleep. The boy who won’t let the night end until he sees one more smile. Wait for a boy who watches you instead of the movie and will turn your head away from the movies just so he can get a second look into your eyes. Wait for a boy who constantly pulls you back every time you say goodbye just for one more kiss. Wait for a boy who calls your phone right after he drops you off, just to hear your voice again. The boy who calls you “honey” or “sweetie”. Wait for a boy who laughs at your jokes, even though you know they are stupid. The boy who makes you feel like you’re his world. Wait for a boy who gives you a little kisses on the tip of your nose. Wait for a boy who will bring you flowers just because its Wednesday. Wait for a boy who turns to his friends and says “that’s her"..."He's not what I expected. I didn't picture prince charming in plaid. I pictured him a bit taller, maybe broader shoulders, a slightly more chiseled jaw, but here he is, and he's not quite how I pictured, and I'm completely okay with that.
Hamilton and I met in a basement a few months ago. After weeks of hearing that either a) we would be instant best friends or b) we should totally date because c) we were basically the same person, I was naturally a bit curious to meet this individual. For the superficial reasons listed above, I instantly marked him off dating potential and we became pretty good friends. Many late night life-talks via facebook chat followed that one drunken basement evening. But then after Alex and I were over, I found myself wondering. I found myself intoxicated by his wit and sense of self. I questioned his sentences, searching for a hint at potential for more. And then on the class Disneyland trip, I saved him a seat just because I knew we could easily have an amusing 8-hr conversation and he would be one of the few awake and not grumpy after the ordeal. He sat next to me and we giggled about nonsense and cuddled trying to make bus seats more comfortable. I woke up with this tiny blond boy sleeping on top of me and I realized that my feelings for him were more then friendly.
The next phase passed in a blur. I'm pretty sure he'd had his mind made up about me from the get-go (though I'd been oblivious til that fateful night in tha magic kingdom (hehe, sounds like an innuendo)). In the next week our friendship was the same and yet different somehow. They're was more cuddling for starters. But otherwise, the change wasn't visible, just palpable.
After one such afternoon of cuddling and a long winded tickle fight, he kissed me. Two days later on another such afternoon he just looked down at me and says, "So I haven't officially asked this yet, so I think I should: Katherine Stevens, will you go out with me?" I literally spent a good two minutes attempting to think it over (my head was bit cloudy for thinking). He asked if he should be concerned that my answer was taking so long. I explained that I'd never gone out with anyone before so I had to think about it. He giggled.
It's been about a week and a half since then. It's just starting to occur to me that I have a boyfriend. I've been using the word a lot trying to get myself use to the idea; practicing it in casual conversation, trying to be nonchalant. I still have slightly mixed feelings about the whole thing. I have my moments of slight superficial insecurity: My god, what am I doing with him? We must look so silly with my being taller. But I'm starting to see these negative voices quelled with time. Every time I talk to this boy I like him a little more. He's incredibly sweet and everyone (including him) keeps telling me that he really really likes me. I'm a little scared that I might hurt him somehow; we're both aware that he's more invested in this than I am, and we all saw how that circumstance went for me last time. And now, after spending an amazing night with him last night I'm starting to get a little scared that I might really fall for this boy; but by the time I manage to get my heart unguarded enough to let him in, it will be time for him to leave for college and us to be over.
But I'm not worrying. I think part of putting this blog off in fact was fighting worry. I'm not over-thinking this one, I'm just trusting myself on autopilot and living it. I'm not trying to make this something more than it is. We're going to have a fun summer relationship. I'm in it for the ride, as long as that ride may last - I'm gonna enjoy it, and not regret anything when it's over, just look back and smile at the fun I had.
What I can say so far though, is that this last week has taught me three important things I wish I could tell my younger self:
1 - Having a boyfriend is not that special. The word does not revolutionize your life. Sure they're kinda sweet and nifty sometimes, but you can't rest your salvation on someone's shoulders - it's just way too much pressure.
2- Get comfortable with dating before embarking on a relationship. Not every romantic encounter will result in a relationship, and yeah, it kinda sucks sometimes when he just didn't like you back. But love isn't something that can or should be pressured. Date around. Explore the world's bountiful options. It will let you have some great experiences, meet cool people, and learn a lot about yourself. Don't focus on trying to get to the relationship phase, just enjoy the ride for what it is. And if it doesn't ever make it there, you've had fun and you've learned things that you won't even realize you know until you finally do get to that relationship someday. In a roundabout way, I did this; I just went at it with the wrong attitude.
3- Don't settle. Don't accept some half-rate guy just because all you're friends have boyfriends and you don't want to die alone. Wait for the boy who calls you beautiful rather than hot. Don't reduce yourself to some boy who can't even open the door for you. The universe provides all things in time. Be patient and you might just get someone absolutely amazing (...well actually, if I'm talking to myself here, be patient and you WILL get someone absolutely amazing...but anyway...). The best things in life are worth waiting for.
