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Life hasn't been quite what I want lately. It's a funny place to be on the brink of adulthood.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm having an amazing summer. Lots of adventures. Crazy times with friends. A fabulous boyfriend who makes everyday wonderful. Even had an easy time with my mom for the most part. But it's just...this isn't how I pictured it.

You look up as a little kid, and you picture your life a certain way. And, while I figured out a while ago I wasn't cheerleader material, and I would never be little miss popular, I just saw things a little differently.

I got really excited about moving out. I was going to be rough and young and hip. We'd take our little red Jeep to thrift stores for clothes, before heading back to our crappy little studio apartment. Gettin' by on love, friendship, and minimum wage. It was going to be a glorious adventure, and it was mine for the taking. And while I realize and appreciate the fact that we would've been dead broke, and being stuck at home probably has more benefits than losses, I can't help but feel a pang of sadness every time I see a Cherokee. My life was almost mine.

I just wasn't suppose to be here. I mean, I know I'm not trapped. I'm only here until January, and then I get to go away to college. It really is a pretty sweet deal. It's just not how I pictured. I was going to be a hip young adult. Work as a waitress, or in a coffee shop. Have a cool haircut. Drive a car that was freely mine. Be independent.

And I mean, I'm getting closer. I am now, for the most part, the person I wanted to be last summer. The one with an armful of friendship bracelets, crazy blond hair, a closet full of flannels, and the perfect summer romance. But after conquering that hurdle, I shift, I want something new and different and I feel like I'll never catch up.

I watched this rather mediocre film called Passengers a while ago, and there was a quote from it that has stayed with me.

"You know what's scary about decisions? When you make one, life becomes real. Not possible, or how you imagined it - real."

I'm learning more and more that each choice I make effects the person I will be tomorrow. It's a terrifyingly large amount of pressure. I'm not so trapped in the plexyglass bubble any more. My future is racing towards me and my procrastinative screw up nature has a very loud voice in my head telling me I can't do it.

I want an apartment in a trendy urban city with a closet so full of sundresses there's a new one for each day of summer.

Time to jump.

So what's it going to be Katherine, sink or swim?