June 1st

Dear ______,

As you know, today is the one year of the day we got together, and I thought I'd be a wreck, but you know what? I'm actually doing very well.

Naturally today, I've been thinking a lot about that day. Remember when you asked me to go out with you and I asked you what that meant cause I'd never gone out with anyone before and you defined it as my not being able to do "this" (and you kissed me) with anyone else? It sounded like the greatest idea I'd ever heard. Why, someone actually wanted to kiss me and just me? It was definitely one of the happiest days of my life and I know I will remember it as such as long as I live. And I thank you for that. :)

I realized though, that I did you wrong on New Years. I made you that promise to kiss you and only you and then I just shattered it (maybe after that month of us debating all the time whether to break up that was the universe somehow telling us things were over even before we knew it ourselves). I'm sorry for other things too. I'm sorry for the way things are between us now. I'm sorry for coming across as bipolar in the few times we've talked. I'm sorry for ever making you feel like you meant any less to me then you did. I'm sorry for not being able to ever really put into words how much you meant to me in the time that we were actually together.

I'm really excited, you know? To see you that is. I'm excited to talk to you. To have that conversation we've been putting off. To hopefully clear the air. To maybe even be friends again someday.

Cause you see I wasn't ready for that before. Not just the talking, but a lot of things. I had growing up to do. I think you forget how much you were ahead of me in life experience years when we met. I've spent the last six months in a tumultuous hurry to catch up. And I think I'm there now. I'm sure I've still got a lot to learn, but I think I can deal with it all now. My heart healed. I didn't think it would, but it did. I caught up to you. And I think I'm ready to face you, and to have you in my life again.

I do want to make one thing perfectly clear though. I will always love you cuddlebuddy. I will always think of us in that happy-sad kinda way. I will always have a tiny wonder of "what if". My heart will always be a little empty because a piece of it is yours. But more and more I find that love to have changed into that like one might feel for prized childhood possessions. That first fluffy stuffed animal you got. You look at it now, edges frayed, nose falling off, loved to full capacity. It's no longer what it was to you in daily life, but you still can't help but smile a little every time you see it. It's that feeling of being young, of safety, of familiarity, of comfort, of home.

And I'm writing this not only to you, a) because I've written you a thousand times already and b) because I never actually intend to show this to you. I'm more writing this hoping that somewhere out there, you're thinking of me today too. That to you, I am not forgotten. Through this I send peace and kindness in your direction by way of the universe. I hope it gets to you.

More than all of this, I'm writing this for every girl who will ever have a broken heart - I promise you, no matter how much it hurts, or how impossible it seems, the love was worth it. One day you will heal.