Treachery

My mother infuriates me to no end. That's basically all this is going to be: me venting about her; but it's basically my only outlet-it's this or kill her.

So if you didn't know this I have some serious trust issues. They were caused by my parents, primarily my mother, so trusting her is especially difficult.

Recently, I felt like we've made progress, like we've grown closer and actually formed a relationship; but I guess I was wrong. She was just using me for information the way my parents always do, just using me.

Lately she has been really suspicious and won't let me do anything if there's boys there (massive boy induced paranoia pretty much) and just now I figured out why: she's been reading my journal.

No, I do not have some flowery bullshit diary were I write my feelings and the days events; I have a journal, a tool to express ones' self creatively, a place where I store my thoughts, ideas, pro-con lists, and life goals...but more importantly the place where I keep the songs and poetry I have written.

You probably didn't no I write songs or poetry; that's exactly how personal it is. I have only ever shown my journal to three people beside myself and even then only select pages. My journal is mine and it's private, it's not that there are secrets in there or anything it's just about boundaries and vulnerability and personal space. I hate being vulnerable and I need my personal space.

What's worse is that she read, my poetry, misinterpreted it, and gabbed about it with her friend (asking her friend to pump me for info none the less). Based on rather abstract poetry she basically thinks that I am a whore and that a lot more happened at a certain go-away trip I took last spring than actually did (which is pretty easy considering nothing happened ).

On the bright side I completely understand her extreme boy superstition now; however, she read my private fucking thoughts and invaded my space! I mean what the hell?! Sixteen and a half years and I can't have a little fucking space?! I can't have one thing to myself? Is nothing sacred?! Seriously, that bitch! And why the hell didn't she just talk to me about instead of dancing around it and making us both uncomfortable.

What she did was ridiculously wrong, I'm pissed, I'm sick of her bullshit, and somebody is going to pay!

GRRRRR!!!!!! haha