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I'm so spinning and frazzled. It's the exhaustion and the stress, and the demon of things I have to do breathing down my neck. The only peace I find, it seems, are in my feeble attempts at intelligent writing, and the spastic happy moments of outer ignorance to it all (usually with my darling Marc <3).

This whole boy-girl thing. It really sucks. It's all just one big giant game. It's about luck, and strategy, and whether or not the cards are drawn in your favor. If you're winning, then it's great, the best game ever; but if you aren't then you hate it, it's so stupid and juvenile and you are determined to win, cheat, or just go cry in the corner.

Nothing can ever just be straight forward. It's all this flirting, and smooth moves, and timing, and it's just such crap. Why must there be all this restraint and lingo. Why is it that so-and-so is "talking" to you but "hooking up" with this person over here and "hanging out" with this other person over here? Why is it all so goddamn complicated? What happened to boy and girl meet, they like each other, boy returns girl's glass slipper, they ride off into a carriage in the sunset? Ok, well that's milking it a bit; but is just simplifying things really so much to ask of society? Why can't we just tell people that we like them and whether they like us back or not, we deal with it and move on.

It'd be so much easier than all this damn drama. I know our society is afraid of "awkward" and "embarassment" (both things which might ensue in the reality of confessing ones affections) but seriously people, get over it! In case you hadn't noticed, life is messy. It is full of awkward moments and elephants in rooms and nerdfighters such as myself, but if you don't suck it up and deal with it, it just perpetuates these infectious headgames (and I seriously doubt that those are good for anyone).

Now if it were just the whole "circuling around eachother" thing, then maybe I can deal; but it's more than that. There's this whole other sect, that's all about toying with people-playing there emotions like a paddle ball. If we didn't have all these societal norms and expectations to follow, then we would millions of hearts might be spared some detriment. I could say to this person that I really like them, and yet confess to another my desire for plutonia (yes, I did just invent the context of that word).

It all just like a big game and it seems to me like no one ever has a winning streak for long and yet, they just keep playing (reminds me of Vegas, haha). All this falsery and mixed signals and double motives and so very much left up to inferences which are often misguided; clearly communication is a huge lacking factor. And though I very much believe in staying chill and taking it easy, I don't know...sometimes I just wish people would think before they act and that they would take life just a little bit more seriously.