The "L" Word

It's a fine distinction. The difference between loving someone and being in love. Somewhere in the drunken haze between asleep and awake I saw it; felt it. I love you. And I don't mean that to be some big bad scary thing. It's just how it is. You are more than a friend to me, yes. But it's more that we have reached a point where I don't just like you, or care about you - I love you. I would be miserable if something happened to you. I want to keep you safe and happy. Just as I would any close friend.

And I know I can't tell you. You'd be terrified. You wouldn't understand. But I want to. In moments of comfort. When you kiss me awake. I want to just smile and tell you. Simple. Uncomplicated. Even though with you the words would drain the moment of their meaning.

And it's not that I couldn't fall in love with you. In fact, I fear sometimes that I might be ever so slightly. But there isn't time for that. It would benefit no party involved. We just can't go there. I can't go there. I wish we could. I know it'd be good for you. I wish I could be the girl to change your mind. But there isn't time. There isn't hope. Not with you anyway. Not now.

Mostly I just hope I can keep it to myself. The way things slip out sometimes with you.

You are so different.

We are so different.

I am so different.