Decisions

Ok, so I got a bombshell today. My mom told me that I can go to whatever college I want and study whatever I want, if I even want to go to college, that is. I can't believe it. My parents, the people who told me I had to get my head out of the clouds because my dreams were never going to come true when I was 7. The people who have always told me that I have to go to college or I'll be disowned. The people who have put their pressuring claws into me, creating a chip on my shoulder and hunch in my back my whole life are actually going to let me make my own decisions?! WTF?! If you could see my expression, it is terribly confused.

Now, my parents have never exactly been advocates of the ivy league, because, apparently, I am far too lazy and stupid to even consider that option; however, they always advocated a private center for higher learning, something with a higher caliber than anything California had to offer (excluding Berkley and Standford of course). It was always rather implied that I was to go to some fancy school to study journalism and then become a news anchor. Only problem is, this is never what I wanted.

I want to be an actress. Correction, I am going to be an actress. The only question is which path do I take to get there. Finally, I have exactly what I have always wanted, control of my future; now if I could just figure out what I want. Do I follow the plan, go to NYU study journalism and then move to LA to try acting after? Or do I dive in, head first and go to UCLA or some other drama school and actually get a BA in acting? How can I, Katherine ----, 16 year old, scrawny-ass white girl, who only manage a 26 on her ACTs, and can't even manage to drive a car in a straight line, possibly be qualified to make this decision? Do I play it safe or follow my dream? Which path will prove wiser in the course of my life? And how can I ever possibly know what my life will bring?

I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this note. Some misplaced nostalgia from my days in the blogging world, perhaps? But what I do know is that I can not wait to be 18 and I desperately want control of my life. I want to be an actress, a writer, a world traveler; but how do I get there? And since when am I qualified to do things on my own? I'm starting to realize why so many people fall short of there dreams, the world is a scary place. I just hope that I can hold my ground and follow my heart; but first I just hope I can figure out what is my heart is trying to tell me....<3