Crash

It was easily the scariest, most surreal experience of my life so far. From the second I left the driveway, something was telling me to be careful, but I wasn't.
Two seconds. I looked down for literally two seconds, if even that.
The sound of metal coiling in torment was horrible.
One minute I'm cruising along, and the next I look up and watch my freedom literally crumble in around me.
The glass from the shattered back window of the car in front of me rained in through my sun roof like a shower of needles.
I feel like I should've done more. I feel like I literally just sat there and watched it happen.

But human reaction time is slow, and I didn't really believe what was happening.

I also feel like I should be grateful. It was only a car after all. It could've been my life.
But what is a car if not my life? I have worked so hard for so long to gain some symbolence of independence, and in two seconds, it's completely gone. I'm back to square one.
Everyone's said "it happens to the best of us, it's not like you planed it, that's why they call it an accident", but I can't help but hate myself for it.
How could I be so stupid? How could I take something that was so incredibly vital to my happiness for granted?
I don't think I've ever loved anything as much as I loved that car.
I really didn't realize what I had until it was gone.
But now I've fucked it up.
And once again I'm trapped in a prison of my own imbecilic making.