I don't like here. I don't like this slow with the awkward moments in the doorway. These afternoons trading sideways glances. The telepathic arguments edged with body language debating who will make the next move. You can't be all over me one night, and then barely touch me the next. I can't handle this place because I feel like I'm stuck here.
I know this is suppose to be the good part. The moments when I'm trying to read your face. The fun of getting to know each other. The excited uncertain possibility of it all. But I've been here to much as of late. Maybe not with you, but regardless, I want to move forward.
I kind of wonder if it's a bad sign. If maybe I just can't feel anymore. I've noticed lately that I'm quite jaded when it comes to romantic entanglements. I could have a flirtatious conversation with my most platonic friend and have it be as real as it would with the object of my affection. It's like it's all the same I'm just so numb to it anymore.
It doesn't help that I went into this with the wrong intentions. You were cute, I was bored - I wanted to prove that I could win you. I wanted a relationship where I was the one desired rather than the one desiring. One where, if only in illusion, I was the one with the power to stay or walk away.
But then this weird thing happened where I started liking you. A lot more than I'd originally planned. I find myself clinging to my sanity, trying so hard not to really fall for you until I'm sure that I've got somewhere to land.
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