Monday, March 22, 2010

Sparks(Notes)

My life lately has pretty much been a series of not actually reading various books for various classes. I thought it only fitting that my blog be too. ^-^

Ch. 2 Summary: It happened the way I thought it and yet, I don't really feel right saying that because I hadn't really thought about it. Maybe that's why it was so great: I'd had no expectations.
The evening started in a group of our friends. (Roller skating; how much of a Katherine kinda first date is that? haha.) They teased us mercilessly. After, everyone went over to MickeyD's.
Half way to the door he and I decided we were sick of everyone's bullshit so we just bailed. We drove around aimlessly and occasionally I'd ask him if we should go left, right, or straight (he didn't know the area). Eventually even I got lost, but sure enough when we got through the trees, we were at the beach. We got out and walked around until eventually (because I'm unstable on solid ground so sand and darkness only make it worse) I tripped. We ended up laying in the sand starring at this ridiculously gorgeous starry sky. It was the most cliche evening of my life; straight out of a work of fiction - the middle-aged women with flashlights and disapproving glances, my phone alarm interrupting our makeout-sesh, his holding my hand so I didn't fall over as I hopped over rocks on the way to the parking lot.

Ch. 2 Analysis: I really don't know what this means. In retrospective, it was perfect, but in the moment - whether it my nerves about making curfew, or the infamous metaphorical wall I use to constantly keep people out - I didn't really let myself feel it. And part of that is also that I'm not crazy about him. It's not like Luke or Kiefer or one of those crushes where you're just so infatuated that your heart is pounding and you want to scribble their name all over your notebook. Chill and heartache-risk-free, that's what I was looking for with him; and the more time I spend with him, the more I like it and the more I like him. This is the first time I've ever felt like I was actually building a real relationship with someone. For once I don't care if anyone knows, I don't care if this ever even turns into a "relationship". If this is all it ever is, I'm completely good with that.
Him and I are just comfortable together. There doesn't need to be nervousness, I don't feel like I have to watch myself. We don't have to say everything, or even say anything at all. I can just sit in the car and hold his hand while he talks on the phone and it's all good - and it seems it just might be for at least a bit longer...

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