you

I was outside just now, bringing the dogs in, remembering a similar night. Out taking care of the dogs, in my own day-to-day world, knowing all the while that you were safely tucked away in my room. It was a surreal place to be. Doing something I did so routinely in the midst of something so non-routine. I finished up, locked the house, and went back to my room just like I would've any other night. But that night you were lying on my bed, smiling at me, watching whatever dumb show I'd left on. I'd give anything for that again. Just that hour and a half between my bringing the dogs in and the moment I'd drift into peaceful slumber in your arms. Just to watch tv with you, cuddle with you, laugh with you, whatever we filled our nights with. I'd give anything for one more night with you. For one more chance with you. I'd do it so much better this time. And I refuse to apologize for feeling that way. Or stop because anyone tells me to. But I also refuse to be sad when I think of memories like that with you. Instead, I smile. I remember the good and I recognize what I've learned. How much better I could love you now. Or maybe how much better I'll love the next one.

Someone told me today how I should look at now not as the end of a relationship, but as the beginning of a beautiful friendship. We have a truly unique chance at fresh start here. And I intend to take it. I really feel like I can. Getting that talk out of the way lifted this giant weight off my shoulders I never even knew I was carrying. We had something great; but I'm not stuck in the past anymore. Instead, I'm excited for the future. :)